Do you need help!

This is a very small story ! 

I have joined a cosy small design setup. One day, I was working and concentrating on my work completely. 

We are a mix of people of mix age groups. 

Suddenly a senior age group person came and asked me, do you want some help ? 

I was startled. 

Never have I been asked this before. I was stunned for a moment! 

We all are given a task we need to complete and we strive to complete it. Rarely have we also done this, to ask anyone n the office whether anyone needs help in what ever he/ she is doing. 

But this senior person (Pradeepji) - he is almost the age of my uncle, asked, maybe because of the generation that he came from. He did not understand the complex UX process that I was handling in the office. I told him so politely. To which he still did not budge and told me the pointers wherein he could help. He was even eager to learn so that he could help. 

That was a first in my complete professional career.  

We (our) generation have forgotten (or not taught ) how to help in office. Or maybe we are more than bogged down by what we have in the plate and rarely have the luxury of time in office. Then we have the ever pressing need of balancing work - life. What if it isn't balanced ? 

It came to my mind, is it possible, I can do this, - to ask if I can help to anyone ? 

Can we just be and let be ? accepting things as is ?

I dont remember if I read this somewhere or wrote it myself in my notebook.

Sometimes the basic need  for happiness is overwhelming. Life will be easier if we understand that we dont need to be happy and fulfilled all the time. 

Being inert to various things will help to be peaceful. 

Maybe being peaceful is more important than being happy. 

I was working on something in the morning, completed a movie, not a very happy ending. It just got me thinking.

We tend to associate happiness with fulfillment. We want our wishes to be true. Even if they are associated with someone else in life. We, in a way through expectations are asking people to behave like we want them to.

When those expectation are not fulfilled, we become unhappy. 

We want to be in control, of everything. we dont want that pimple that comes up in teenage to wanting our kids/ Grand-kids to listen to what we say when we are old. From the political scenarios to Cricket to art. From birth to someone's death. We want to give birth as well as not want someone to die! I wish my mom was around even today! 

Gosh! Everything. 

But the truth is, can we really be in a position that we can control everything around us. 

Can we not having control be just natural ? Can we be in the position of uncomfort naturally ? a baby comes to birth through pain not happiness. although there is happiness post birth. 

Dont we have to go through similar pain when in other situations too ? 

Its just came to my mind. Why is this Big Ado about 'happiness' ? I think it should simply be ok to be unhappy. To make a gloomy face through the day when in pain. Why does one has to carry that smile on face ? I think this gloomy face/ gloomy mood could probably bring in a bodily reaction which will make us happy. Which will keep us from getting depressed to the level of hurting our internal systems (say endocrine) and remain healthy. (not sure if to live more gloomy enough). I trust human body will find a way to get ok. 

Sometimes it just comes to my mind, that maybe this 'happiness' thing should be beyond just presenting yourself. One should be able to have a hanging face and not smile if he/ she does not want to. In the quest of spreading happiness are we hurting our own selves to the level of chronic depression or some chronic disease with no cure ? 

Can we just be and let be ? 

is the world ending for me.

this is a lot of things together.
first and foremost. i m missing my daughter too much!.
i cry everyday!

but then,
I m feeling free. the atmosphere here is free. i could walk all alone on the seashore - i walked the cliff on my own - all through . got a bronzy look. i am living on my own.
i am out of the mundane things.
I have liberated all the people whom i have bound with my love and expectations.
everything's answered.
I have got everything - there is no new wish in the horizon - except my care for my little one.

I have become free.

do i think that my soul is ready to set free now?
am i approaching death naturally. ?

written in Ireland when i missed her so much!
i do not know if every mom has a similar feeling as I do! of so much of a linkage to our own kids ? 

Baggage towards everyone around us!

Baggage!

We shed one baggage and gather another. There are times, when we believe we can do something. Our mind says so. Our heart says so. And it does not happen. Because the world does not believe so. 

We think we can get into a college. But we could not. We think I could have been someone, but I stepped down for someone. I wanted to be the prime minister of India, but then I got married, :P funny enough, my Dad keeps saying this. :) 

The literal meaning of Baggage is - past experiences or long-held attitudes perceived as burdensome encumbrances. 

The past experiences which create so much of a burden on ourselves. 

Because we could not achieve something, we tend to see the reasons why we could not. We tend to think on why could we not get something. We wail, not cry over it. Then, after looking into what we could have done, we look into what someone else could have done something for us in that regards. 

And mostly parents are to be blamed. I had a baggage towards my late mom. I do have some for my Dad as yet. 

But I have learnt something after she passed away. The baggage goes away all by itself. It disappeared. It went with her. That space in my mind was filled by her memories. (of the ones that I did not have too, i.e. of the moments that I had imagined, and were not). All that she reminds me of or I want to be reminded about her is the love that she could give me. Here in could give is very important. I always wanted more from her. Like any other little kid, I wanted her for myself. When kids, we do not tend to understand that other roles that she was in then. We feel as kids that she is my mom and she better be available for myself and only myself. I had this baggage and tried to keep getting attention from her. 

But today, when I look at my kid, I can see the same desire in her. 
Today I understand, why could my mom not be with me. Today I understand, she had a lot of things to cater to when being her, the mom, because I am a mom. Today I understand, how difficult it would have been to her when saying a simple no to me so that I become independent and do the task myself. Be it not paying my college fees then.

Hence I have forgiven my Dad, for his part of baggage. And others too. 

All said done, now what ? Baggage forgiven is good, but the consequences of those actions remain. Those actions that we as individuals performed as a reaction to the Baggage. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Those actions result into some really irreversible mistakes in life. What about them. 

No I do not have an answer in this blog. I am looking for one. 

Ending with a small note written by a friend : 

kwahishe toh chhoti chhoti thi, poori na hui toh badi lagne lagi. 

This means, sometimes our wishes are really small. They become big (BIG) when they are not fulfilled. 

Sometimes in my mind, I feel baggage should thrown away asap, but then we realize it is a baggage only after it is too late and has started haunting us already. Nevertheless, better late than never!