Thursday, March 29, 2012


the more i think, write, make friends, the more the subject becomes variant, beautiful and nice. 
It was a long time I had made a new friend, specially after the baby. When suddenly this girl, Arpita entered my life. She is a girl full of blossoming smiles, caring for everyone, all good..That must also be a reason why she has so many friends. I should say, she became friends with me and I found comfort being with her. She was like the new friend I needed since ages almost.She had this magnetic charm to attract people around her. 
She was with me for around 3 months and then flew to London to her husband. 
I know there is Facebook these days, you don't actually loose touch with people. I felt sad that she was leaving. I was going to miss the everyday good morning smile, the loving hug. But she called today. I felt so happy, so ecstatic. Wow. 
It sometimes comes to my mind, these things matter so much in this world, where in we still are connected. The personal touch, the personal hello, of asking 'kaisi hai re?' - how are you doing with love and care is so very important.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Welcome back, Salil

wow!!what a day today. The morning was nice and happy for no reason. I simply felt a gush of happiness like i use to feel when in NID, when i used to be out ready to meet all my friends and be smiling and happy.
I went in for an afternoon stroll, just by chance (I normally don't due to time cram up) and a familiar voice called from behind. 'Sanmitra' oh my it was Salil. He is my friend and dear support from NID. I reacted like a little kid. I was soooo happy to see him.
I felt like I met a long lost brother or something like that.
I was so happy to see you!. I still cant stop smiling.
And this just came to my mind. Yes, If I am happy all by myself from the moment 1 of the day, I am gonna be happy forever. I was happy since morning and I attracted more happiness. It is something like the situation in 'The Secret'. It is about what you keep wishing, you keep getting it. If you wish for bad, then you get bad and if you wish good, you receive good.
Wow!, this is a great feeling. Thank you God!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

the provider's pain

I was trying to take my daughter to the creche today. She cried, and she did not want to come with me. She cried baba - baba, (father) she is a one and half year old. She still knew when i am dressed to go to office. She did not want to come to me. I felt so bad, so painful. She wanted to stay and bid me a good bye. Is this just the beginning of her growing up, or is it that she does not need me now. Or rather will not need me when grown up?
But why this need thing? why should i think that she should need me? or rather be with me forever? how much ever I love her. How much ever I do for her?
yes I remembered and tried to mug up these lines while coming to office, crying somberly below my sunglasses.
Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Act because you need to act – Paulo coehlo

but this really hard to digest. I am so much in love with my daughter, I somehow cannot take the no from her about her not want to love me back. Or only coming to me when needed. then it sometimes comes to my mind, am I just the provider? is there a provider for me for a change?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Celebrating Myself

Aaahhh!!! celebrating myself, should I dare to say, I want to do it one day!
I felt like doing that when I ranked topper in the SSC - the tenth standard, but could not really.
I felt like celebrating myself whenever i got an admission in an institution on my merits and not on a special requisition by some XYZ. I saw so many of my friends doing that.
I felt like celebrating myself when I got married to my love in spite of all the odds that exist when parents disagree to your alliance.
I felt like celebrating myself when I got through the entrance exam for National Institute of Design where I was one of the fifteen people to be selected from all the entrants.
I felt like celebrating myself, when out of those fifteen, I was the first one to get an internship/ project for completion of Post graduation, but couldn't as all others were friends.
I felt like celebrating when I had my first trip abroad to the internship on my own and not due to my husband like the other girls. 
I felt like celebrating myself when I got pregnant - got the biggest prize of humanity, a moving human in me.
I felt like celebrating when I delivered my child, a little girl, I felt like my mom came back to me. And today I feel like celebrating for my own spirit of endurance towards to success, with the unending urge to catch on the horizon with the ground reality of taking care of my little one, almost single handedly, loving her and getting so muccchhhh love in return.
I felt like celebrating when I stood in the photo for graduating from NID with my little one in my hands. My little one was already graduating with me.  

I know by now there might be people who feel this is being boastful of your own achievements, but this is truth. I have rarely celebrated being me. The sparkle in my mom's eyes whenever I achieved would be a great achievement-a celebration for me.

Today she is no longer around. The woman who taught me being me, being independent, striving to achieve.
I don't see the celebration anymore.I want to celebrate being a woman, as a tribute to her, to her who made me, who I am.

here's the link where I have posted this blog.